Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The 7 D.E.P. Chronicles: The Rise of the War Pharoah

*Juke turns up the radio as his favorite ol' school classic comes on.  It is the classic Pharcyde hit "Runnin'."  Perfect timing.*

Line names...everyone (more or less) should have one if you crossed into the wonderful world of Greekdom.  It is a rite of passage of sorts, and is meant to symbolize some aspect of your character or some memory of your entry into the brother/sisterhood.  Each line name has a story...and this is the story of a young man from Albany and how he became the War Pharoah.

Our hero: J Will.

Our setting: Albany, GA

The date: October 31, 2001

Seven young warriors were huddled in a small dwelling, awaiting word from the elder pharoahs(or prophytes for those who are completely lost) of their fate for this particular evening.  The warriors had been meeting with the elders in order to facilitate their arduous journey into the realm of "the brotherhood." The tasks were numerous, and the punishment for failing severe, but these seven warriors were determined to succeed at all costs.

As the young men awaited their fates for that evening, they received word that the elder pharoahs were cancelling the meeting for that night.  After waiting for four long hours, the warriors were released and allowed to return home.  This, of course, did not sit well with the warriors, who felt that their progress had been delayed for yet another night.

"This is balderdash," shouted the Dark Warrior.  In a fit of rage, he punched a hole into the wall of their detainment dwelling.

"I grow tired of this poppycock.  The elders respect us not," said the Silent Warrrior (which, incidentally, was the most he had ever said in one sentence.)

In the corner, away from the discussion, sat  J. Will -The Big Headed Warrior...pensive, in deep thought, and developing a plan to make some restitution of this situation. He called the Tallest Warrior over for consultation.

"Listen, I know we are not supposed to cavort with women nor entertain worldly musical debauchery during this process, but I am going to go to the Halloween party on campus.  I need your assistance."

As the other warriors began to depart, the two  warriors began to discuss the new plot.

"I will need you to take me to the campus festival.  You don't have to participate, if you so choose.  I will go in disguise and enjoy the events, and you can retreat back to the dorms, if you so choose."

"This is a dangerous mission, warrior.  Are you sure you want to do this?"

The Big Headed Warrior nodded yes.  He changed his garments and donned the apparel of the ancient spy warriors. (Roughly speaking, he dressed up as a ninja, thinking that would be sufficient.) In an effort to prevent the other warriors from suffering a horrendous fate if the mission failed, he chose to keep this a silent mission to allow for plausible deniability.

As the Tall Warrior dropped J. Will off, Will could feel the beat of his heart racing.  Missions of this sort take precision, skill, and a tad bit of craziness. 

J. Will approached the party with the confidence of a warrior possessed. Little did he know that the elders also had spies sent to watch for them.

"There is one of your neos," said the female spy to the Eldest Pharoah.

*Pause*

For those of you who decide to go on secret missions in which stealth and anonymity is paramount, please wear a mask that does not restrict your breathing.  In the few seconds it took J. Will to remove his mask, breathe, and cover back up, he had been spotted and identified.  Just a tidbit of wisdom from me to you.

*Play*

J. Will realized he had been spotted, but kept going.  He entered the gates of the event, undetected by the spies at the door.  Once inside, he saw a land of women, engaging in sensual, rhythmic body movements and other warriors from different tribes (other frats) enjoying the display.  This was everything the warrior dreamed it could be.

At that moment, the young warrior's close friend, a young woman who he had known since childhood, approached the warrior. 

"You have been spotted J.  Run, n****!!!!"

Instantly, J. was in the race of his life.  As the Elder Pharoahs moved towards him, J. Will began his escape. The young warrior darted out of the front entrance and began his race to his dorm, convinced that if he could just make it to his dwelling, the other pharoahs would not be able to identify him.

The warrior raced to the bookstore, where he was able to duck into a boiler room.  The Elder Pharoahs lost him, but waited outside of the boiler room as they planned their next move.  The sweat from the brow of the Big Headed Warrior began to accumulate as his nervousness mixed with the heat from the boiler system of the building.  He waited a few minutes after the Elders left before emerging from his crypt.

As he resumed his escape, the police of the campus saw him, clad in all black, and put the spotlight on him as he ran.  The sounds of "Stop right there" could be heard as the warrior continued his trek.  At this point, the campus was in an uproar, with the police and the Elder Pharoahs attempting to catch the young warrior, and the bystanders cheering him on to safety. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the warrior made it to his dorm room, where he disrobed, jumped in the shower.  When the Elder Pharoahs knocked on his door, he emerged in his sleep garments, which confused the Elders.

"Were you at the party?"

"Listen, no disrespect, sir, but we waited four hours for nothing.  After you released us, I went to sleep.  Now may I please get back to bed?"

Convinced that they had made a mistake, the Elder Pharoahs left the scene, and the Big Headed Warrior rested with the "assurance" that he had not been caught.

The next night, the Elder Pharoahs met with the young warriors, but with the anger and disdain that comes with being deceived.

"Big Headed Warrior...is it true that you were at the party last night?"

"No sir," the warrior said nervously.

Though the young warrior had survived the previous night, he did not expect the Eldest Pharoah to trust the word of his female spy.  It is amazing what women can convince men of, and in this case, the convincing led to the trial of J. Will.

The Elder Pharoahs huddled to decide what to do to the young warrior...

J. Will was taken to a containment cell, where he was forced to listen to the punishment of his fellow warriors.  The excruciating pain of hearing his brethren thrashed was too much to bear.

"I was there, I admit it!" the warrior cried out, but to no avail.

After hearing the last of his brethren's punishment, the Elders returned to deliver his fate to him.

"You will not be punished, since your brethren have already received punishment for tonight.  We release you to your fold."

The looks on the other warriors faces...desolate, downtrodden, and mad as hell...was enough to break the heart and spirit of the young warrior. The warriors yelled and cursed at him for his sophomoric antics and for endangering their progress.  However, as these things go, the warriors were able to mend the fences and, shortly thereafter, ascended to the ranks of the brotherhood.

For the reasons above, upon rising to the rank of Pharoah, J. Will was given the dubious, yet painful honor, of being called the War Pharoah.  His cunning, endurance, and craftiness had served him well in many missions, but it was during this particular mission that it earned him this distinction.

Today, the Pharoahs still laugh whenever the night of infamy is brought up. The details of the story, of course, change depending on who is telling it.  But no one will ever forget the day that a young warrior sought greatness, but lost it all in the chase of a lifetime.

*And Scene*

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