The Convenience of Truth

Three scenarios:

First scenario-A radical militant group in the US sends a warning to the government that if they do not meet the demands of the group, an attack will be staged that will kill the lives of many innocent citizens.  The government chooses not to negotiate with the group, and subsequently, they attack the residents of the closest metropolis.  The militants later release a statement saying that the government should have listened, and that the blood of the innocents will forever be on the hands of the government.

Second scenario- A serial killer has locked a victim in a vault with a limited air supply.  The police are questioning him about the victim trying to save her, and he tells them to do as he says or she dies.  When the police refuse to play along, the victim dies.  The serial killers response...I tried to tell you to simply do as I say, but you didn't listen.  It's your fault.

Third scenario- A guy tells the woman he is dating that he loves her and wants to be her boyfriend, but he has to confess that he has been seeing more than one woman. She says okay, and sticks around, waiting for him to cut ties with the other women.  Finally, he approaches the woman and says, "Though I love you, I think I may want to be with this young lady over here.  I know you are hurt, but at least I told you...so you had a choice."


In these three scenarios, three common themes occur: someone is manipulating another party through the use of emotion and/or fear, someone in the end gets hurt, and ultimately, the offending party feels that telling the truth (or giving a warning) was enough of a justification to absolve said party of the responsibility.

Now I know that the first two scenarios seem to be in a far different category than the third scenario, especially when you compare a broken heart to innocent lives being lost.  But technically, is there really much of a difference in terms of the mindset that led to each of these outcomes?  I dare say no.  The notion that revealed truth can somehow negate any responsibilities associated with that truth is a notion that many of us utilize out of convenience, but we rarely think about the true magnitude of our actions until we are on the other side.  And thus, we often hurt others under the pretense that we provided ample warning, so the results of the situation are not our responsibilities.

Now I propose that we look deeper into what really happens with these situations.

The Telling of the Truth

Telling the truth is a practice that is highly touted in our society.  We admire people who are able to be honest and forthcoming with their feelings and deeds. Even as children, we are taught to tell the truth in order to be a better person, and though many of us stray from that at times, it is something that most people have a moderate capacity to do.

However, the motive behind your truth telling has to be equally as noble.  Case in point:  When Mike decided to "tell the truth" in Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married, it was clear that his intention was not to tell the truth in order to bring about good, but to cause drama amongst the people at the table.  His truth, then, lacked the nobility of being of pure intention.  Same goes for when we tell the truth. If we are telling the truth for the sake of honesty and purity, then it is a noble cause.  If we are telling the truth in order to gain an advantage or absolve ourselves of responsibility, then we are no better than the person who lies to do the same thing.  We have to assess our overall purpose behind what we do, even if it is a traditionally good deed.

The Recipients of Truth

I remember when I was in undergrad, and a young lady expressed interest in me.  She was sincerely interested in me because she felt I was a good man with a good heart, and that was important to her.  I mentioned to her that I wasn't ready for a relationship.  She said she understood.  We kicked it for months on end, doing things that couples do, and she was happy.  But when I finally decided I was ready for a relationship, I decided to go with someone new.  She was crushed, and in my mind, I did my due diligence by letting her know that I wasn't ready, nor did I ever say that when I was ready, it would be her that I wanted. 

But now that I am older, I realized that I honestly took advantage of the situation that we were in.  The fact is, I enjoyed every benefit of having a woman who was into me without any of the responsibility that comes with treating her equally as important.  I knew she had feelings, and I knew that they were getting deeper by the moment.  So even though she heard my "truth," she didn't necessarily receive it. 

I know that common sense plays a major role in how we treat people and how those people allow us to treat them, but in retrospect, the honorable thing for me to do would be to distance myself from her until her feelings could subside.  Sure, she was partly responsible for pursuing me with full knowledge that I wasn't ready for a relationship.  But I also had equal blame by cultivating her feelings with my time, attention, and company during that period, all under the guise of being "truthful" and therefore not responsible for what happened to her feelings. 


The Convenience of Truth

So what is it that I am proposing?

My overall goal with this post is to simply put it out there as plainly as I can...simply telling the truth to someone does not negate the responsibilities that come with the subsequent chain of events if 1) you don't tell the honest truth with honest intentions and 2) if you let the recipients of your truth continue to walk down a path that you know will allow them to be hurt.

So in telling the truth, we need to take time and assess the method by which we tell the truth, the rationale and purpose behind our truth-telling, and the reaction that comes from the truth being told.  It is not sufficient to speak honestly if we know that we are only doing so to assuage our own guilt but allowing the other parties involved to continue to be fooled in the process. It is up to us to take it an extra step, and in doing so, we can truly do right by those who are the recipients of our truth and, in a bigger context, remain true to the honesty that we were attempting to display.

This is merely my opinion...I could always be wrong.