I Have Atoned

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

Precedes every Catholic confession. The trouble with that, which is one reason the Catholic church catches scrutiny, is that this atonement has to be made to another human vessel in order to be transmitted to God. In other words, God needs an interpreter, because he and I do not speak the same language.

Not the case...

So why do I bring this up? Lately, I have been dealing with atoning for many of my transgressions towards the people in my life. They have been nothing major, but they were enough to be worthy of formal apologies. My trouble is that I never know when to stop apologizing. You see, I am the type of person that never wants anyone to look at me in an ill light because of something that I may have done unknowingly, and for the most part, these are the types of transgressions that I have committed. (Most of the time, if I knew that I was doing it, I will not apologize for it, since I thought it out in advance-with a few exceptions.)

As a side note, studies show that fewer Catholics commit suicide. The issue is that they receive instant confirmation from the Priest that they have made adequate atonement. Just say some hail mary's and everything will be alright. I have no such system, and so I never know when I should be able to move on from a situation.

Well, that has to change.

I have determined several things. For one, everyone will offend or hurt anyone in their lives in some way shape or form. It may be small...it may be big...but it will happen. With that said, I am tired of having to deal with my transgressions days, months, even years after it happened. I know that it is hard to shake somethings, but the victim of these transgressions must realize that, to almost the same extent, I have to deal with the guilt and hurt of knowing that I hurt someone for whom I care. That in itself is a big punishment and a deterrent for future iniquities. Secondly, I realize that only two of the three parties involved need to be satisfied with my apology in order for me to move on...God and me. The victim, though I hate to say it, will have to deal with it in his/her own way. And if he/she decides to hold a grudge against me for it, than he/she will have to deal with the repercussions of that grudge, and the unhappiness that accompanies it.

People often use the guilt one feels for the transgression as leverage for future situations. It is almost as if one incident can lead to being controlled by those who feel hurt by you. Well, I am not letting guilt be the ruin of me. If I apologize, and whole-heartedly mean it, then there is nothing more I can do. Once I make amends, I am through with it, and from there, it is up[ to the other party what he/she does from there.

God and I are through with the situation.