Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...
Precedes every Catholic confession. The trouble with that, which is one reason the Catholic church catches scrutiny, is that this atonement has to be made to another human vessel in order to be transmitted to God. In other words, God needs an interpreter, because he and I do not speak the same language.
Not the case...
So why do I bring this up? Lately, I have been dealing with atoning for many of my transgressions towards the people in my life. They have been nothing major, but they were enough to be worthy of formal apologies. My trouble is that I never know when to stop apologizing. You see, I am the type of person that never wants anyone to look at me in an ill light because of something that I may have done unknowingly, and for the most part, these are the types of transgressions that I have committed. (Most of the time, if I knew that I was doing it, I will not apologize for it, since I thought it out in advance-with a few exceptions.)
As a side note, studies show that fewer Catholics commit suicide. The issue is that they receive instant confirmation from the Priest that they have made adequate atonement. Just say some hail mary's and everything will be alright. I have no such system, and so I never know when I should be able to move on from a situation.
Well, that has to change.
I have determined several things. For one, everyone will offend or hurt anyone in their lives in some way shape or form. It may be small...it may be big...but it will happen. With that said, I am tired of having to deal with my transgressions days, months, even years after it happened. I know that it is hard to shake somethings, but the victim of these transgressions must realize that, to almost the same extent, I have to deal with the guilt and hurt of knowing that I hurt someone for whom I care. That in itself is a big punishment and a deterrent for future iniquities. Secondly, I realize that only two of the three parties involved need to be satisfied with my apology in order for me to move on...God and me. The victim, though I hate to say it, will have to deal with it in his/her own way. And if he/she decides to hold a grudge against me for it, than he/she will have to deal with the repercussions of that grudge, and the unhappiness that accompanies it.
People often use the guilt one feels for the transgression as leverage for future situations. It is almost as if one incident can lead to being controlled by those who feel hurt by you. Well, I am not letting guilt be the ruin of me. If I apologize, and whole-heartedly mean it, then there is nothing more I can do. Once I make amends, I am through with it, and from there, it is up[ to the other party what he/she does from there.
God and I are through with the situation.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Ranting a Bit- Conventional Wisdom
I hate arguing.
Arguing, to me, is when you debate topics without facts or substantiation for ones point. But I have come to realize that people do alot of arguing, rather than discussing things intelligently. That bothers me...
For one, I hate for anyone to tell me that my opinion is wrong. Opinions cannot be wrong. However, they could be based on misinterpretation of facts. But no ones opinio can be proven wrong. So when I meet people who ask my opinion, and then say that my opinion is wrong simply because they don't agree with it, then to me, it is grounds for debate. But once a debate begins, and the other party has no factual basis to back it up, then it turns into arguing, and that is when there is no winner except the person who can piss the other person off quickest.
I discussed opinion with a lady in my life and she tends to think that one can debate an opinion without having facts to back his or her views. That bothers me. You can discuss them, but if you are going to debate someone elses opinion and you have nothing on which to stand, then you are just running to a gun fight without a weapon. But I have also noticed that the powers that be count on this...they count on us to form opinions and persuade others to do the same, without knowing the facts. That is how Bush got back in office (in my opinion).
Let me stop with my digression.
On the topic of debate, my best friend and I were taught and trained to debate using ceretain methods, one of which is the use of logical fallacies. Logical fallacies are ways of breaking down an argument based on an inappropriate preponderance of the facts. In other words, if you develop an opinion, but it is based on errored facts, then that is to be discussed. Well, my lady friend kinda got snappy about the fact that I use this method to dissect arguments thrown at me. She says that what I see as a method of debate could be for others conventional wisdom. This may be true, and it was conventional wisdom for me as well. But once I was trained to use my conventional wisdom properly, it no longer allows for inappropriate discussion of the facts.
It's like playing basketball. There are plenty of people out there who can play basketball, and are good at it. That is because they have conventional wisdom (natural talent). But will they ever go pro...probably not, unless they are coached and trained on how to use their raw talent. And when they try to play against the coached teams, they are outmatched...
Conventional wisdom without adequate training is like a boat without a rudder...it will move, and it will float, but it will have no direction.
I am finished ranting...just needed to vent a little bit.
Arguing, to me, is when you debate topics without facts or substantiation for ones point. But I have come to realize that people do alot of arguing, rather than discussing things intelligently. That bothers me...
For one, I hate for anyone to tell me that my opinion is wrong. Opinions cannot be wrong. However, they could be based on misinterpretation of facts. But no ones opinio can be proven wrong. So when I meet people who ask my opinion, and then say that my opinion is wrong simply because they don't agree with it, then to me, it is grounds for debate. But once a debate begins, and the other party has no factual basis to back it up, then it turns into arguing, and that is when there is no winner except the person who can piss the other person off quickest.
I discussed opinion with a lady in my life and she tends to think that one can debate an opinion without having facts to back his or her views. That bothers me. You can discuss them, but if you are going to debate someone elses opinion and you have nothing on which to stand, then you are just running to a gun fight without a weapon. But I have also noticed that the powers that be count on this...they count on us to form opinions and persuade others to do the same, without knowing the facts. That is how Bush got back in office (in my opinion).
Let me stop with my digression.
On the topic of debate, my best friend and I were taught and trained to debate using ceretain methods, one of which is the use of logical fallacies. Logical fallacies are ways of breaking down an argument based on an inappropriate preponderance of the facts. In other words, if you develop an opinion, but it is based on errored facts, then that is to be discussed. Well, my lady friend kinda got snappy about the fact that I use this method to dissect arguments thrown at me. She says that what I see as a method of debate could be for others conventional wisdom. This may be true, and it was conventional wisdom for me as well. But once I was trained to use my conventional wisdom properly, it no longer allows for inappropriate discussion of the facts.
It's like playing basketball. There are plenty of people out there who can play basketball, and are good at it. That is because they have conventional wisdom (natural talent). But will they ever go pro...probably not, unless they are coached and trained on how to use their raw talent. And when they try to play against the coached teams, they are outmatched...
Conventional wisdom without adequate training is like a boat without a rudder...it will move, and it will float, but it will have no direction.
I am finished ranting...just needed to vent a little bit.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Self- Preservation- First Law of Nature
"See what starving will do to you...growing up hard in a little apartment will do to you..." -Jay-Z
The new year has arrived, and I have been processing how I feel about my life, and about where I stand in my little world. And this year, I have decided that I will take on a whole new agenda...
THIS TIME...I AM LOOKING OUT FOR SELF.
Now don't get me wrong, I still plan on being the same caring, socially conscious, humanitarian that I have been in my past years-it is just my nature to care. But I have noticed that alot of my caring for others has been too overwhelming...to the point that I haven't really had time to take care fo self, and that is very important in these days and times. What good would I be to those who love me and whom I love if I can't be at peak performance for myself first.
My Self- Preservation will go a little like this:
Spiritually- I am beginning to feel like my life is slowly losing control, and that reminds me that I am not letting the TRUE pilot guide my ship. I am in the process of allowing GOD to come into my life and make the changes and moves that he desires to make in my life. I feel that with him directing my path, I will be able to see more of what I need in my life, and in those places where I can't see my path, I don't have to worry- not like I am driving anyway. This, to me, is probably the most extreme change I have to make, since for so long, I kinda felt that I had my fate in my hands. I don't...
Socially- I still feel that I can be a giving and loving person to others, but not to the point of letting others take advantage of me. You know, the hardest thing with which I have had to deal is to know that sometimes people will take advantage of you regardless of if they love you or not. It doesn't mean that they care less for me, but that they probably don't know how to interact with others appropriately. How will I teach them?...by helping those who help themselves. This year, everyone can get my love, but those who don't appreciate it will be limited in their access.
Health- The most precious gift I have been given is my body. My body is the vessel for my soul, and therefore should be treated as such. I haven't done a good job of taking care of my temple. Over-eating, lack of exercise, and other carnalities have proven me to be iconoclastic towards the one gift that I should cherish the most. Not anymore! NO MORE DOLLAR MENUS AT MCDONALD'S. NO MORE "HOT DOUGHNUTS" FROM KRISPY KREME. This is definitely the year of the six pack, and I plan to resculpt my entire frame for health and for appearance sake. Its the least I can do to show appreciation for this wonderful gift that I have been given.
Hopefully, when I make these changes, then by the end of the year, the world will see the new me, the true me, the me that I deserve to be.
The new year has arrived, and I have been processing how I feel about my life, and about where I stand in my little world. And this year, I have decided that I will take on a whole new agenda...
THIS TIME...I AM LOOKING OUT FOR SELF.
Now don't get me wrong, I still plan on being the same caring, socially conscious, humanitarian that I have been in my past years-it is just my nature to care. But I have noticed that alot of my caring for others has been too overwhelming...to the point that I haven't really had time to take care fo self, and that is very important in these days and times. What good would I be to those who love me and whom I love if I can't be at peak performance for myself first.
My Self- Preservation will go a little like this:
Spiritually- I am beginning to feel like my life is slowly losing control, and that reminds me that I am not letting the TRUE pilot guide my ship. I am in the process of allowing GOD to come into my life and make the changes and moves that he desires to make in my life. I feel that with him directing my path, I will be able to see more of what I need in my life, and in those places where I can't see my path, I don't have to worry- not like I am driving anyway. This, to me, is probably the most extreme change I have to make, since for so long, I kinda felt that I had my fate in my hands. I don't...
Socially- I still feel that I can be a giving and loving person to others, but not to the point of letting others take advantage of me. You know, the hardest thing with which I have had to deal is to know that sometimes people will take advantage of you regardless of if they love you or not. It doesn't mean that they care less for me, but that they probably don't know how to interact with others appropriately. How will I teach them?...by helping those who help themselves. This year, everyone can get my love, but those who don't appreciate it will be limited in their access.
Health- The most precious gift I have been given is my body. My body is the vessel for my soul, and therefore should be treated as such. I haven't done a good job of taking care of my temple. Over-eating, lack of exercise, and other carnalities have proven me to be iconoclastic towards the one gift that I should cherish the most. Not anymore! NO MORE DOLLAR MENUS AT MCDONALD'S. NO MORE "HOT DOUGHNUTS" FROM KRISPY KREME. This is definitely the year of the six pack, and I plan to resculpt my entire frame for health and for appearance sake. Its the least I can do to show appreciation for this wonderful gift that I have been given.
Hopefully, when I make these changes, then by the end of the year, the world will see the new me, the true me, the me that I deserve to be.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
New Semester/New Challenges
Okay, so the new semester is starting, and I am excited. I honestly feel a tad bit more secure and optimistic about this semester...moreso than last semester. I am thrilled about my project, which is finally getting off the ground, and I am also happy about being stress-free. What a way to start off the new year.
For my project, I am testing to see how calcium affects the genes involved in heart contractions. To put it simply, we will expose a mammalian heart (rat or rabbit) to calcium, and see if we get any genetic products afterwards. This is interesting to me because I have always been interested in whole-heart and whole organ physiology and function. Furthermore, my lab has been kinda one-dimensional before I came, so now we can expand our scope ot encompass more areas of cardiac research. I feel like such an asset.
I am doing animal surgeries as well. Last semester I did the surgeries on rats alone. This semester, I get to do rabbits and rats, which require two totally different techniques. Furthermore, I get to perform the operations by myself. Am I a geek or what?
My mom and I played Jeopardy by phone yesterday, and I have come to realize that I am a nerd by design...it was genetically bestowed upon me. Mom and I have played Jeopardy together since I was about 10, and now that we realize that we can do it by phone, it will probably go on until I can get on the actual show. I feel like Rosie Perez in "White Men Can't Jump."
"You know what a quince is, Billy? It's a food Billy...a food that starts with the letter "Q"!!!"
-Rosie
I also realize that my dad, no matter how hard of a soul he can be to others, is really a big softie when it comes to me...his son. He calls every day to check on me, as if I am at summer camp or something. Now he never makes it seem like it is his idea...he always says, " Uh, your momma was curious about your well-being, son" or something like that. Just a big ole softie.
The new year has been good to me. I already see that school and family are both in perfect alignment with my paths for this year. Wish me luck!!!
For my project, I am testing to see how calcium affects the genes involved in heart contractions. To put it simply, we will expose a mammalian heart (rat or rabbit) to calcium, and see if we get any genetic products afterwards. This is interesting to me because I have always been interested in whole-heart and whole organ physiology and function. Furthermore, my lab has been kinda one-dimensional before I came, so now we can expand our scope ot encompass more areas of cardiac research. I feel like such an asset.
I am doing animal surgeries as well. Last semester I did the surgeries on rats alone. This semester, I get to do rabbits and rats, which require two totally different techniques. Furthermore, I get to perform the operations by myself. Am I a geek or what?
My mom and I played Jeopardy by phone yesterday, and I have come to realize that I am a nerd by design...it was genetically bestowed upon me. Mom and I have played Jeopardy together since I was about 10, and now that we realize that we can do it by phone, it will probably go on until I can get on the actual show. I feel like Rosie Perez in "White Men Can't Jump."
"You know what a quince is, Billy? It's a food Billy...a food that starts with the letter "Q"!!!"
-Rosie
I also realize that my dad, no matter how hard of a soul he can be to others, is really a big softie when it comes to me...his son. He calls every day to check on me, as if I am at summer camp or something. Now he never makes it seem like it is his idea...he always says, " Uh, your momma was curious about your well-being, son" or something like that. Just a big ole softie.
The new year has been good to me. I already see that school and family are both in perfect alignment with my paths for this year. Wish me luck!!!
New Semester/New Challenges
Okay, so the new semester is starting, and I am excited. I honestly feel a tad bit more secure and optimistic about this semester...moreso than last semester. I am thrilled about my project, which is finally getting off the ground, and I am also happy about being stress-free. What a way to start off the new year.
For my project, I am testing to see how calcium affects the genes involved in heart contractions. To put it simply, we will expose a mammalian heart (rat or rabbit) to calcium, and see if we get any genetic products afterwards. This is interesting to me because I have always been interested in whole-heart and whole organ physiology and function. Furthermore, my lab has been kinda one-dimensional before I came, so now we can expand our scope ot encompass more areas of cardiac research. I feel like such an asset.
I am doing animal surgeries as well. Last semester I did the surgeries on rats alone. This semester, I get to do rabbits and rats, which require two totally different techniques. Furthermore, I get to perform the operations by myself. Am I a geek or what?
My mom and I played Jeopardy by phone yesterday, and I have come to realize that I am a nerd by design...it was genetically bestowed upon me. Mom and I have played Jeopardy together since I was about 10, and now that we realize that we can do it by phone, it will probably go on until I can get on the actual show. I feel like Rosie Perez in "White Men Can't Jump."
"You know what a quince is, Billy? It's a food Billy...a food that starts with the letter "Q"!!!"
-Rosie
I also realize that my dad, no matter how hard of a soul he can be to others, is really a big softie when it comes to me...his son. He calls every day to check on me, as if I am at summer camp or something. Now he never makes it seem like it is his idea...he always says, " Uh, your momma was curious about your well-being, son" or something like that. Just a big ole softie.
The new year has been good to me. I already see that school and family are both in perfect alignment with my paths for this year. Wish me luck!!!
For my project, I am testing to see how calcium affects the genes involved in heart contractions. To put it simply, we will expose a mammalian heart (rat or rabbit) to calcium, and see if we get any genetic products afterwards. This is interesting to me because I have always been interested in whole-heart and whole organ physiology and function. Furthermore, my lab has been kinda one-dimensional before I came, so now we can expand our scope ot encompass more areas of cardiac research. I feel like such an asset.
I am doing animal surgeries as well. Last semester I did the surgeries on rats alone. This semester, I get to do rabbits and rats, which require two totally different techniques. Furthermore, I get to perform the operations by myself. Am I a geek or what?
My mom and I played Jeopardy by phone yesterday, and I have come to realize that I am a nerd by design...it was genetically bestowed upon me. Mom and I have played Jeopardy together since I was about 10, and now that we realize that we can do it by phone, it will probably go on until I can get on the actual show. I feel like Rosie Perez in "White Men Can't Jump."
"You know what a quince is, Billy? It's a food Billy...a food that starts with the letter "Q"!!!"
-Rosie
I also realize that my dad, no matter how hard of a soul he can be to others, is really a big softie when it comes to me...his son. He calls every day to check on me, as if I am at summer camp or something. Now he never makes it seem like it is his idea...he always says, " Uh, your momma was curious about your well-being, son" or something like that. Just a big ole softie.
The new year has been good to me. I already see that school and family are both in perfect alignment with my paths for this year. Wish me luck!!!
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