Maybe Next Time

In his book called The Analects, Confucius talks about a thing called filial piety. This concept means that between two people of different statuses (father and son, big brother and little brother, etc.) there should be a reciprocation of responsibilities. For example, a son should always obey his father and support his father's wishes. In return, the father is to protect the son and to provide the son with proper guidance. Reciprocation...that is the key.

Well, I feel that it is time that I begin to start my portion of the reciprocation towards those who are younger than me.

This weekend, I took my nephew to Atlanta for a weekend just so that he could get away from Albany, GA. Now, mind you, my nephew and I don't get to see each other often since I have been in school. I can recall him asking to go places with me when he was younger, and all I could remember saying was "maybe next time." I was glad to finally be able to take him with me and see exactly where his mind is, and what he is trying to do with his life.

So I begin the weekend by talking to him on the way to ATL about life, and about school, and about girls. And the first thing I noticed is that he is far beyond any conceivable level of innocence. In the first few minutes of the trip, I found out that my nephew not only smokes, drinks, and is sexually active, but he also is involved with other unsavory types who consort in the same types of dealings. In other words, he is gang affiliated. Instantly, I saw how much time has passed me by since I last spent time with my 16 year old nephew.

Over the course of the weekend, I realized that he also had a troubled, yet inspirational story to tell. Honestly, the boy is extremely bright. He seems to be knowledgeable about the finer points of living. He has a steady job, and works to make money to support my sister and the rest of his siblings. He also does alot to protect and help raise his younger brothers, of which, he has four, and one sister. He constantly disciplines them on their behavior, their studies, and their interactions with each other. He sacrifices his wants and needs so that he and his mother can help make the wishes of his younger siblings come true.

He even wants to be a veterinarian...and was intrigued by the fact that I do animal surgeries in graduate school. Ahhhhh....a common bond!

And that is when I realized that he actually was mentoring me. You see, I never thought about it this way, but it was soooo easy for me to say "maybe next time" to each of his requests when it came to him spending time with me. (Now in my defense, I was in school, and I am not the only male in his life.) But I must say that, if a child asks for time and attention from the males in his life, and he is constantly met with "maybe next time," can you expect him to sit and wait on us to help. I learned that his potential, no matter how great, is going to be cultivated by some force...be it his family, his friends, or his surroundings. If the men in his family don't raise him, then the streets will...so can I blame him for following the code of the world that taught him? Especially if he learned things that I, or any other male in our family, neglected to teach him properly. I feel sometimes that I may have failed him, because I am one of the few in his life that could have made a difference, and yet, I left it at "maybe next time." That truly leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Well, I am doing something about it. My plan is for him and me to spend more time together and for me to provide as much guidance as I can. Sure the other males in his life could do more, but I can only account for my influence in his life, and for how much I can contribute. My hope is that I am not too late in trying to work with him, and I know it will be no easy task, but I truly feel that this weekend, we made a connection. This connection is what I plan to cultivate so that as he grows to respect who I am, I can offer guidance and refining to help him achieve his goals in life. I have yet to give up on him and a student and young man, and in turn, I hope he hasn't given up on me as a mentor and uncle.

I don't think Confucius would have it any other way.